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8-11-03
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Comments by: YACCS

 
BEDAZZLED GEORGE DO-RIGHT AND HIS MONKEYBONE

Yes, it's a slightly odd title. And you might be wondering who the heck this guy. And what exactly a monkeybone is. Well, the guy is not just one guy, but many. And the monkeybone........ we'll get to that shortly. Actually, those are all movie titles, with a common thread. In order: "Bedazzled," "George of the Jungle," "Dudley Do-Right," and "Monkeybone." The common thread is...... Survey Says: 1) They all star Brendan Fraser & 2) I've watched them all in the past week and a half. I find I rather like Brendan. He's rather talented and versatile. He can handle comedy, drama and action equally well. "George" and "Dudley," while not terribly outstanding movies, are nonetheless fun to watch. They're based upon the old cartoons by Jay Ward, with Brendan playing the title role (obviously). He handles the physical aspects of comedy well, with numerous prat falls, wooden floor boards to the face and head, crashing into trees, you name it. (You've also got former members of Monty Python in the movies as well. John Cleese and Eric Idle, in "George" and "Dudley" respectively.) They're not exactly the most "hurt your sides laughing" type of movies, but they're a fun way to spend an hour and a half.

"Monkeybone" is a weird movie, and I'm not really sure how to classify it. I guess it might be sort of a comedy/drama, I've not really sure. It's about a cartoonist, Stu Miley, who's just about to really make it big with his cartoon "Monkeybone" (hence the title), when he's in a car crash and ends up in a coma. He goes to 'Down Town', which is where souls/people go when in a coma. He finds all sorts of creations and nightmares from his subconscious, including a physical personification of Monkeybone. In trying to get back to his body, the Monkeybone persona makes it, while the Stu persona is stuck in Down Town. Eventually, Stu gets his body back. As I said, it's a really weird movie. In all honesty, I'm not really sure if I liked it or not. At best, I would say I'm neutral towards it.

"Bedazzled" has Brendan playing 6 different roles. He's this geeky type of guy, who meets and makes a deal with the Devil, played by Elizabeth Hurley. (I have *NO* complaints about that. :) ) He gets 7 wishes, and in exchange, she'll get his soul. He makes what would probably be the standard wishes for most guys (these aren't in the order he makes them), 1) rich and powerful, 2) a superintellectual type, 3) the proto-typical mega sports star, 4) the most sensitive guy in the world, and 5) President, so he can do good for the world. Naturally, the Devil gives him his wishes, but never in ways he expects. In the end, he gets what he wants. I had seen the preview for it, but wasn't exactly foaming at the mouth to see the movie. (Yes, Elizabeth Hurley is really good looking, but not enough of a draw for me.) It ended up being better than I was expecting. Each time Brendan's character makes a wish, he ends up with a new persona to fulfill that wish. He pulls off the different characters quite well, so that you get the feeling that you're actually watching 6 different people, who just happen to look like Brendan Fraser. All in all, I wouldn't exactly call the movie really outstanding, but it's another nice way to spend an hour and a half.

So Brendan's a pretty cool actor. I'm looking to find a few more of his previous movies, to see what else he's capable of, and I'm looking forward to whatever he gives us next.


Join us next time, when we'll compare and contrast the Mel Gibson version of "Hamlet" with Disney's "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs." :)

posted by Obee at 11:54 PM

 
FUN WITH THE FAT MAN

So you want to get revenge against Santa? Maybe he never brought you the presents you asked him for as a child. Maybe you're a parent and tired of him getting all the credit for the gifts you get for your kids. Maybe it was a bad encounter at a mall a few years back. Whatever the reason, I give you this list of:

WAYS TO CONFUSE, ANNOY, OR HARASS SANTA CLAUS THIS HOLIDAY SEASON
================================================================

1) Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
2) While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.
3) Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.
4) While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.
5) Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!
6) Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that say "We hate Christmas," and "Go away Santa."
7) Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.
8) Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney.
9) While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't have missed that last payment, and take off.
10) Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy. :)" Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa. :("
11) Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime."
12) Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections.
13) While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.
14) Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's sure to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And he's got a red nose!" and fire a gun.
15) Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.
16) Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for Santa to get caught in it, and then explain that you're sorry, but from a distance, he looked like a bear.
17) Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill.
18) Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue.
19) Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs.
20) Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us."
21) Nail all of your furniture to the ceiling, including the Christmas tree.
22) Hang a portrait of The Grinch over your fireplace mantel.
23) While Santa is in the house, chain his sleigh to the chimney with a 60 foot chain. Hide it with snow. Have your camcorder ready.
24) Remodel your living room to look like the bridge on the starship Enterprise.
25) Etch some pre-historic drawing all along the inside of your chimney.
26) Decorate the roof of your house with a mock-up of the deck of an aircraft carrier.
27) Put a toll gate inside your chimney.
28) Leave a voodoo doll of Rudolph next to Santa's cookies and milk, with pins in the doll, of course.
29) Program the flasher for the lights on your Christmas tree to blink out an SOS in Morse code.
30) Leave a note from little Mary Lou asking for a shotgun.

If you have an other ideas, especially those you've tried in the past, let me know.

Addendum to the disclaimer from my last post....If you're not old enough to go out drinking, let me know. I'll have my younger sister go out and drink for you. It'll be something she's happy to do.

posted by Obee at 4:28 PM

 
International Man of Menace?

Disclaimer: This post is meant only in a humorous way. Anyone taking it seriously needs to have friends take them out to a bar and get drunk.

I was thinking about the song "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" today. In today's litigation happy country, someone would probably try and sue Santa for running her over. The question is, how exactly would you sue the guy? As it is, the case as presented in the song is a little flimsy, evidence-wise. Mostly circumstantial. The line in the song is "There were hoof prints on her forehead/And incriminatin' Claus marks on her back." Now, as it's spelled, it is "Claus" but I doubt someone who does a hit and run is likely to take the time to sign his work. So it could also be "incriminatin' claws marks on her back." There's probably also some sleigh tracks nearby, even though they're not mentioned in the song. I mean, you're low enough to the ground to run someone over, you're back end is probably draggin' a little, especially with the weight of the sleigh, Santa, and the sack of toys. So we've got some circumstantial evidence, at least enough to question the guy. Producing an eyewitness would be even better, but since we have no idea about that one, we'll let it go. So how do we find him to question him? There have been a few expeditions to the North Pole, the traditional home of SC, but no evidence of a home or workshop was available. I think we would have heard about it if there had been. Suppose we do manage to track him down and bring him in for questioning, then what? He's either gonna say "Yup, I did it" or he's gonna deny it. Personally, I dunno what he'd do. You would think that he would admit to it, but given his history on things, maybe not. (More on this shortly.) We'll say he's a good guy, and admits to it. Then what? Obviously he gets charged. If it's an accidental thing, I believe (not 100% sure though) that it's a manslaughter charge. If it's deliberate, I believe (again, not 100% sure) that it becomes a homicide. We'll go with benefit of the doubt and say it's an accident. So we've got all sorts of fun, legal repercussions to deal with there. Not having any law training, I don't really know exactly what would happen with him. Now let's say the family wants to get a piece of him. He's killed Grandma, they want something for their pain, anguish and suffering. (Yeah, right, they're in it for the cash!) But what cash does he have? He's only in distribution. He's got other people doing his work, he's just giving it out. And only doing it one day a year, to boot. (That's why he's so jolly... Only works one day a year. That, and he's got the list of naughty girls! :) ) In terms of production, I've guessing it's sort of a barter system. The elves make the toys; he feeds, clothes and houses them. And then he goes and gives all their work away. So where does all this material come from? Not to mention food for himself, Mrs. C, the elves, and the reindeer. Plus clothes and everything else they need. I can only guess one thing......magic. A little wave of the hand, a puff of smoke, a flash of light, and he has what he needs. Makes paying off the family easy then. All he has to do is magic up the correct amount of cash. So that takes care of all the "running over grandma" stuff. But.....
International man of menace. If you think about it, he breaks numerous laws. First and obvious, trespassing and breaking and entering. Also, in the US at any rate, he's probably breaking all sorts of FAA flight regulations (lack of valid flight plan?), going hither and yon over the US countryside. And since he's got a worldwide operation going, there are probably a few international no-fly zones he's going through. And entering numerous countries, without a passport. There's probably other stuff I can't even thing of at this time. That's just the easily enforceable stuff. There's also some human rights violations going on. First off, the elves. They work all year long, and then he just gives all their stuff away?? I don't think so. He's basically telling them that all the work they've done is for nothing. So either we've got some *really* stupid elves to let him get away with it, or else there's some compensation going on that we don't know about. We'll hope for the latter. There's also a discrimination argument that could be made, that he discriminates against non-Christians, but it's late, and I'm having a tough time making a good argument of it. Maybe later.

Next..... Part II: Ways to get revenge or confuse Santa Claus.


posted by Obee at 2:53 AM

 
DO YOU HEAR WHAT I HEAR?

I gotta say, I wish I didn't hear what I hear. I'm officially sick of almost all Christmas music. The muzak here at work started playing Christmas stuff the Monday before Thanksgiving. At first, it wasn't too terrible, just an occasional song. Now it's constant. I've heard more versions of "White Christmas", "Jingle Bells", "Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire" (I know, technically it's "The Christmas Song"), and others than I've ever cared to hear. And most of them *suck*! Severely. That's just here at work. One of the local radio stations is annoying the hell out of me too. They've also been playing the stuff 24-7 since the Monday before Thanksgiving. GAAAAAAAHHH!!!! And there's still 18 days until it's over with for this year! UGH!

Oy! While typing this, one of the songs that most particularly annoy me has come on. It's the song "Santa Baby." Originally performed by Eartha Kitt, then redone by Madonna back in '87. Now there's a version of it with a guy singing it. Who it is, I do not know. The song is bad enough, but hearing a guy sing it just makes it worse. It's evil, EVIL!!


posted by Obee at 11:55 PM

 

OFF WE GO......

I'm trying this thing out. A friend of mine has one, and I thought I'd give it a whirl. As the title says, it's a Random Access Mind (yes, I work with computers). Translation: Who the heck knows what the topic of the day is gonna be. Probably whatever is on my mind at the time.

This should be a work in progress, so hopefully things will change over time, maybe look a little different.

Any comments or suggestions are appreciated. Email me at obeekris@hotmail.com. Let me know what's on your mind.

posted by Obee at 1:30 AM